My Story

So yes. The reason for the new blog?
It's kind of simple really. I'm starting a new life. Seriously.

Things have really changed for me these past couple years. It's been a long time coming really, but yeah, more recent events have caused changes. Some very painful. Some joyous. I'm at a new point. My story is now my own to write. I'm heading out on my own soon, and with that, my whole little world is going to blow open before me.
My family and I have been suffering under unexplainable pain lately, and just really struggling. Alot of it is just normal I think, but most of it has been related to a terrible church experience. Over this year, we have been going through the painful process of leaving our church of over 23 years. For me, it's all I've ever known. I would share why and such, but to be so honest, I'm sick and tired of talking about it. It's exhausting and draining. But yeah, the point is, after years of praying, seeking God and what felt like blindly walking forward, the Lord has opened the doors and we are out. Gone. Free.

As you can imagine, it's been quite an ordeal. Yet the Lord has remained faithful throughout it all. We have grown closer as a family and are living in what I like to call 'absolute desperation for God.' We have no idea what the heck we're doing. Or at least I don't. Coming out of a situation like the one we are leaves you with quite a head-spinning effect. I'm just gonna be real and say up front that I have never in my life been so unsure in my faith. Everything I was ever told about God, reading my Bible, religion, doctrine...just everything, came from the influence of the church we attended. It's all I knew. I grew up with the same kids, went to the same social functions, did the same homeschooling thing. I fit in the mold. Played the same game week after week.We all did. It was all we knew.

But now. Oh thank you Jesus, it's over.

Yet here I am. I don't even know who I am anymore. I am questioning everything these days. What/s truth, what's complete bologna? Is that the Holy Spirit talking to me, or is that a completely overdeveloped sense of guilt and shame that I have been programmed to put into action when faced with temptation? Is this the only way to read my Bible, through the lens and perspective of A, B, or C? God, I don't even know how to read my Bible anymore! When I want to spend more time being with my non-christian friends vs. my Christian ones, just simply because I WANT TO and NOT because I am secretly planning to bombard them with the 'Jesus Talk', am I sinning?? When I stick up for myself (yes myself!) and give an open, honest opinion, at the expense of probably offending someone else, am I being prideful, or am I being normal? Gaaaahhh!

Sorry guys. I don't mean to freak anyone out. Really I don't. But yeah, I am trying to make a point here. I'm stuck. I need help. I need a completely new vision. The only things I know to be true anymore are that God is faithful, I belong to Him, and at the end of the day, no matter what... I will still belong to Him. That is literally all my 'Christian life' is consisting of these days.

So anyway, back to the purpose of this blog.

Throughout this 're-constructing of Hannah' season, I have been asking alot of questions, doing alot of thinking, and yeah...just trying to figure out my life ahah. So much is changing for me in this new season. SO much. Moving out, getting a job, falling in love, starting my own home, doing my own thing, continuing to invest in my own faith...these are all changes I am going through. I am excited and scared all at the same time. Nothing is certain or sure right now. Nothing except Christ. And the JOY, PEACE, AND FREEDOM I was created to live in!!

The title of this blog was inspired by a song that has really, really, really helped and encouraged me throughout this season of complete change. I can relate to so much in the words. It's not a Christian song, but the concept is what I love. It's all about getting back up again when you've been knocked down. Enjoying the life you've been given. Searching for joy and happiness (which we know comes from God!) in each and every situation. Believing that the glass IS half full instead of half empty! It speaks against having a pity party 'cause something bad happened to you (hey, welcome to life!) and encourages you to just get up, brush yourself off, and keep going!
So that's my new motto. 'Bring on the sunshine!' That is my daily prayer these days...that amidst all the crap and bad stuff that happens in life, I would look up to my Jesus and remember all that He has done for me, and with that knowledge, be able to keep pressing on, keep trusting Him, and keep living my life to the absolute full!

Here for a Good Time- George Strait